silver bullet (n): the new strategy, usually written on the bag of a cigarette pack, that means that last year’s sales figures will be improved by 200%. Always misses its target.
Imagine, if you will… one of France’s major wine-producing Chateaux has been taken over by a former Sales Director and Management Consultant. As they […]
If you’re new to the workplace, then you’ve got a whole new language to learn. It’s a bit like French, but spoken by even bigger wankers. However, worry not – you too can speak this ever-evolving language with our handy guide.
Don’t say: Do you have five minutes to talk through my work?
Do say: […]
Sorry – that’s “colleague” of the month, not employee of the month. You see, the word ’employee’ implies slavery, it implies that bond between employer and pleb – we can’t have that, oh no. So let’s call it “colleague of the month” or COTM for short, because if it’s not an acronym, it’s not worth […]
Consultant (n): Highly-paid person who asks you for your watch, tells you the time, and charges you £50,000 for the pleasure
That’s not my definition, actually, that came from someone I used to work with who observed, quite correctly, that the company was being fleeced by people who knew less than we did. They were […]
That’s a good question: phrase commonly used by unprepared pooh-claimers, no-brainers and shirkers when caught unprepared in a meeting, mainly to stall for time. Also used by Yanks to arse-lick.
There are, in fact, two types of people who use the phrase “That’s a good question” in a meeting. On the one hand, you have […]
“Yes, you have spoken wisely dear leader, spoon-feed me more of your warm diarrhea, won’t you?”
You would have thought, with the instant communication available to us these days, that communication within a large corporation would be – well, better than it is. While everyone is beavering away, seemingly doing “work”, they are in fact […]
Shit magnet (n): A new manager or director who arrives in a new business and promptly finds himself surrounded by brown-nosers, arse-lickers, pooh-claimers and assorted office fuckwits.
Directors usually spend a couple of years in a job at most. This is usually because there’s an offer of bigger money from somewhere else, […]
non-believer (n): person who does not believe that this year’s strategy is the “chosen path” for the business, and has demonstrated either vocally or non-vocally their disagreement with the “chosen path”
What’s the most disturbing aspect of the following situation?
The Managing Director of a mid to large-sized business stands up at a sales conference, […]
Pooh Claimer (n): Person who claims credit for someone else’s work. Derives from popular expression “if I took a pooh in the corner, he/she would say he/she had done it”
In my last job, I came across a number of pooh-claimers. These are people who claim your work for their own to such an extent, […]
If you’re the kind of person who “lives and breathes” the values of the corporation in which you work, then hit the back button. Go see a Disney movie or something. This site isn’t for you. It may even make you angry.
I worked for five years at a medium-sized HR outsourcing company that […]
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