How To Survive At Work
Have you defined the north star yet? No, really, have you? Come on, people, define the fucking north star.
Watch this bucket-load of crap from sugar-murderers Coca-Cola and then come back to me, if you’re able to get through all ten minutes without killing yourself.
You didn’t watch it all, did you. Never […]
Managers are shit, aren’t they. I mean, really shit. They spend their days trying to justify their existence through the wonder of PowerPoint slides, and worrying about how they can keep their jobs when everyone finds out that they can’t actually DO anything. And taking advice is something that insults the manager’s ego.
Because advice […]
Have a look at this dame:
http://blog.sageabra.com/2012/02/risk-age-profiling-workplace/
She’s a people-centric HR professional. She’s not a HR professional, oh no folks, she’s a people-centric one.
That’s my favourite kind. I’ve worked with some people-hating HR professionals, and I’ve worked with some HR professionals who’ve tagged themselves with completely irrelevant adjectives such as ice-cream loving or […]
Well, hello. So you’ve reached the upper echelons of management – well, one of the upper echelons, anyway – and you’re going to have to make people redundant. Why? Well, the company’s only making a gazillion pounds worth of profit this year and that’s down on our unrealistic forecast of five thousand bagazillion pounds of […]
If you’ve ever been to an industry awards ceremony, you’ll recognise that Lead Balloon feeling that comes with having to sit through the presentation of ‘Air Filter Sales Person of the Year’ for the fifth year running, knowing that your arch nemesis, Dave from Tosspot Air Filter Industries (TAFI) will win it yet again. And […]
Ever since people realised that Human Resources was all about pen-pushing and women named Karen, the profession itself has been poking its pearl-necklaced head above the parapet and shouting “but we’re really strategic, if only we could stop pen-pushing and do some real strategy work, we’ve learnt the lingo and everything”. You kind of feel […]
Well it’s about that time of year when you have to start thinking about OBJECTIVES, or goals, or whatever you want to call them. Basically, things that you say you’re going to do that, at the end of the year, you’ll be forced to refer to and say “hey, remember 12 months ago when we […]
corporate hokey-cokey (n): the act of taking one decision, reversing it a year later, only to revert back to the original decision the next year.
Your Senior Leaders, whoever they might be, are well remunerated people. And they should be – after all, they never see their families and they’re only a heartbeat away from […]
In the good old days, people had real job titles, you know, like butcher, baker, candlestick maker. Your job title, quite correctly, reflected what you do. In today’s modern workplace, where people do the grand sum of fuck all most of the day apart from sitting in meetings and pretending that they’re of some […]
So, if you read How To Become A Consultant, then you’ll already be a value creation catalyst, helping management leverage their value creation processes in order to catalyse growth, and frankly, you’ll be making a mint. But hang on there, young protege, you’re not ready yet.
What happens when […]
Follow Us!
Tags
add value ambition arse-licker blame blame shifter boil the ocean bullshit business bullshit colleague of the month communication conference calls consultancy consultant consultants create value cult driven e-mail employee of the month event horizon facetime job title knowledge knowledge manager leverage management meeting meetings metrics monkeys non-believers pandas pooh claimer powerpoint project fuckup redundancy sales shit magnet silver bullet solutions strategy Sunday e-mails synergise team cuntshuttle widgetsOur Tweets
